Letter to my Teenage Self

 

This letter was originally written for the LUNAR Project screening of films by Jennifer Reeder, THE YOUNG-GIRL IS NOT ALWAYS YOUNG, AND NOT ALWAYS A GIRL

Dear Cat Madden,

I’m sorry I’ve overlooked you for so many years, but I am close to the child, she is easier  to understand and I find you hard to pin down and embarrassing. I have wondered why you never learn to play the guitar, choosing instead to grow your nails long and paint their tips white with  a little pen you have read about in a magazine and buy from Boots.  I don’t know why you scrape your hair back like that and still fancy the boy who burnt your arm with a lighter. I hate those scraggly hair extensions that you click-in on the night you’re sick at a club opening your friend’s uncle took you to, after two drinks. He is annoyed, but later turns out to be a paedophile. That is your fault. And why do you just stand there smoking when the two men talk about how tight it would be if they fucked you in the arse? I suppose you do tut, and not to be underestimated is the excitement of a stranger wanting to fuck you.

I do things that you can only dream of on a lonely weekend: I have my clitoris licked, I sit under a duvet watching TV with somebody who loves me a lot. These things are more boring than you think.

I don’t think people think I’m as clever as you, and I’m not as well read in comparison to my peers. I don’t masturbate as successfully as you who have a free and easy mind, to spend all morning thinking about a woman with no personality touching me up in a shop’s changing room. Infeasible now when I feel guilty for not craving sex for weeks.

I don’t smoke any more. You started so that you wouldn’t look so young and that boys would like you.I don’t look old, but my tits are bigger.

I suppose you are just as pure as the sad little girl you tried to give the slip, just as vital, an overly optimistic oracle of un-tired sexuality. Come and sit with me and we can talk about things you’ve read, poetry by men, after all you are one of the mothers of my woman.

SHELF HEROES Zine

These two poems were published in SHELF HEROES‘ A and B zines about films, they’re inspired by The Aristocats and Bambi.

Thomas O’Malley

Well, we almost
had a father but
instead we have
this father figure
father away, but
still here and
teaching us, so
we don’t have to
know he’s just for
her, our mother,
beautiful and
unsuspecting or
unsuspecting enough 
to attract a
philanderer that
us kittens want
to love.




Bambi Realises That His Mum Has Died

It’s not so much the shot that does it,
but when you turn around and 
see that
you might have been 
running alone 
for a long time.

and when my moth-urrrrr 
fast forwards over death she omits
this stag
that comes down from the mountain 
to declare

that all moth-urrss 
are transitory
and, just this once,
to call me son. 

&Friends

Poetry@The Talbot, or Catherine Madden&Friends as it came to be known, was my first venture into organising a poetry evening, and it went very well.

In the photo you can see me, Rory Porter, Alan Zapata and Tracy Mathewson. Johanne M. Hauge also read and we had an impromptu performance from Danny P!

Extra credit goes to Rory and Tracy, as these were their début appearances as poets.

Belated thanks to everyone who came, Nick Tatch for the printing, and The Talbot guys, Clare, Phil, and especially Rich Clarke who is an endless inspiration to us all.

 

cmandfriends

The next event which I am helping to organise and reading at is something, also involving Alan Zapata.

On the 2nd August Alan and his partner Samira are hosting a fundraising even at Dig, Lewisham to raise money for setting up a volunteer project of English teachers for primary school children in a small village in the Amazon.

See here for more details about the project and this particular event. Sneak peek – it will involve barbecued fish.

Last month in London: raging feminist hardcore, molotov cocktails, screen printing all nighters, IWD house show & zine and leaving my beloved castle.

Thanks for the nice words Ren.
Keep on having fun in Hamburg!

Ren Aldridge

I’ve just moved to Hamburg to take up an Artists Residency at HFBK through the Art School Alliance. I’m so excited by the amount of space I have here! Really inspired. Before I dive in here I want to catch up with this blog as I’ve found the process of writing it so far really helpful for sorting my head out and being able to articulate the mush in my brain.

The main event for me in the past month was finally releasing the Petrol Girls EP digitally on bandcamp and as pre-order 7″ vinyl. We’re so proud of it. Jack did a fantastic job recording us – it sounds really professional despite everything (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!) being recorded in Astbury Castle – drums in the kitchen and everything else in the bedrooms. Its available online now but the hilarious EP trailer that Liepa made is still well…

View original post 1,843 more words